Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My pussy is not your playground.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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