my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
