I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
