No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
