dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
