i love accidental penises.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize