in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it's like heaven, but drunker
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize