What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
