Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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