fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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