trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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