I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
