But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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