Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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