dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize