Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
