I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
