the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
