I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
