Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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