there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
