Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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