I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize