The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
