it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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