C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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