I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
