i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
