I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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