My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
