So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize