My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
3pm strippers are depressing
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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