I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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