thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
