You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
