i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
