my phone needs a breathalizer
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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