Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize