please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
