My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize