loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
