dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
