Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
