Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
