i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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