i permit you to call me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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