I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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