I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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