I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize