dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
