i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
