no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize