Only a mothe r could love this liver
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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