When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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