you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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