I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
