Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
