this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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