capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
