If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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