Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You are the jesus of drinking
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
