if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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