I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize