She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
