Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
