i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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