Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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